Deep Thoughts

The obsessive mind. Oh boy. Not sure how many people have it. If you don't, consider yourself the lucky one. While analyzing has always had certain perks in life, over analyzing can cause harm. I don't think I thought much about how much I thought as a child because I was an only child. We think, or talk to animals, or read. When we're with the adults, we listen. Then think. It's just normal and unless you have a lot of friends with siblings you don't learn that not everyone thinks about everything the way you think about everything. I've always been one to replay my day at the end of an evening. Make sure I understand everything that happened in my day, didn't miss anything, and the worst part, realizing things you said might have come out weird, not making sense, or misinterpreted. Those usually came from nerves, but I was also always nervous, so there's that. Most of the times I realized I had a very likely faux pas, I'd turn red with embarrassment, close my eyes really tight, pull the covers up over my face and then pretend like it didn't happen because my eyes are closed now. πŸ™„ If it stressed me too much I'd try to rectify, which believe me, usually makes it worse. Why, you say? Because no one is spending near as much time as you are thinking of all the ways you f$cked up during the day. If you were misinterpreted, then oh well, next time be less of a dork and try to make sense when you talk or whatever. I mean...unless you think you've hurt someone, which then obviously you'd want to make it right. But yes. Obsessive thinking just shows how much we're into ourselves. But now, try to stop. If you're reading this and you're feeling the familiarity, you've probably told yourself or were told at some point by others...just stop thinking so much. "Ohhhh, right, why didn't I think of that?" "Um because I did, I think about everything remember?" I didn't share this just so I could obsess with you about my obsessiveness. I actually have a point. It's to say you're not alone. A lot of us do it in some fashion or form. And there's hope. As you know, I've been working hard on this crazy brain of mine for the past year and I'm actually learning some super useful things. One of them is tolerating the feeling. I may always replay the day. I find it helps me keep in check, but I don't need to spend the following 3 days beating myself up over the foul ball. I'm learning to tolerate the feeling of embarrassment, then forgiving myself for being human. Trust me, most everybody else that was in that mental video, does not care what you think they care about. If I feel the urge to reach out, I write what I want to say in my notes and I read it 1000x. Most of the time I realize it's not worth sending and will not help what I think is a problem. If by the end, I realize I really must reach out, then I do, but after carefully weighing the risk of reaction and deciding it's better to clarify. The second thing I do, which I need to do more of and I highly encourage you to do if you don't already, is meditate. Sometimes my mind will not be quiet enough for me to do it on my own so I veer towards audio things I can listen to in order to focus my attention. Other times I concentrate on my breathing and with every exhale I breathe out the worry. Logically, I understand worry is wasteful, but for a gal who wants to understand everything, sometimes worry slips in without the invite. The reality is we will never understand everything. Every time I try something new, I will not be perfect at it. Even if I practiced. 😜That's the tips I've gotten so far. I know it's a beast, that brain of ours, but it's also a blessing. It can be used to learn and grow. Every once in awhile we've got to put it in check. So be curious, ask lots of questions, read read read, but remember no matter how good you are at solving problems, puzzles, or equations, some answers only are revealed with time and experience. Sometimes shit clicks much later than we wished. But we're human. It's okay.